Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Feeling a little better.

  It's been an okay day today. I say okay, because there are those mini moments when my heart kind of hurts at the thought of a lonely life... but I also kept quite busy... I though I'd blog. Just something alright for once and not totally consumed with my dark thoughts. 
  I am trying. And I want to be okay all the time. Even if my loneliness is forever. But that's fine... it is. As long as I have friends who keep me busy, they get me out. My mind is occupied and being single for the rest of my life is the last shitty thing on the mind. My body hurts though, a downside of actually getting out... my body starts to hurt more all over! 
  It was worth it. I choose psyhical pain over my mental pain! Honestly. If you've read my blog, you'll know what I mean. 
  I would also like to say to the person who tried to comment on my last post that I need to go get help? I already have. I'm on pills. But depression is a constant fucking fight and sometimes I just can't fucking help it! I have already been to the doctors, and counsellong isn't for me. And I'm okay with that. I am! 
  There are people out there who are still ungrateful. They have a partner. They can work. They have friends. Yet they cheat. And wish they didn't have to work. And fuck their friends over... like seriously what is with that?! I'm someone who has learnt 'the grass isn't greener' so quit being stupid and appreciate what you have... or I laugh at you when you lost it all. Because you sure as hell fucking deserve that shit. Stupid idiotic humans. 
  It's also another day when I get angry and stressed at this time. Why? Because yet another person writes a status for likes because they got blocked. Yet the ones who comment and like have been blocked for years, or months... like can you get a life? Can you stop obsessing?! Like I don't even know who most of them are... I'd pass them in the street and I still wouldn't know who the hell they are! Like seriously! I never even do a thing wrong. People just don't accept being blocked becauss I can't be fucked with their bullshit, their slyness, I mean. Why the fuck would I? Honestly. Weird things. 
  Less stressing. I need to be totally more numb to every emotion ever! I'm hungry but I can't eat it's past 8pm! Ha. Yeah. I go by that 8pm rule, sometimes I can't, eating has to happen. But hopefully I fall asleep soon... watch a couple more episodes of Party Down South and then yeah, try and sleep. But I just know it will be another night tossing and turning. Stupid insomnia that mixes with my illnesses! 

  I hope you're proud of me of not doing a total downer of a new blog post.,, I'm trying, promise. 

Monday, 17 April 2017

Can I just disappear into one of my Fantasy Worlds...?!

  Why does life have to be so shit? So lonely? So utterly heartbreakong? I don't know how long I am able to be strong enough for... the end. My thoughts are always shitty. It sucks. It's like why bother? Well. Actually. I don't bother anymore... just really is no point. Honestly. I'm scared to die. I am. That is the only reason I'm here. But also, I guess there is a tiny part of me that hopes for something better. But it won't happen. It won't. I've accepted it. But every so often when I just think... shit. Therea re those dark thoughts again.
  I do wish I could just disappear into one of my books, or Tv show, or even a fuckong film where they get their happy ending... in fact. I would even hope for the vampire storyline... would be more fun than my life now. Compel people to do whatever the fuck I want. Oh, and would people fuck me over? No they wouldn't. Because they'd just get tortured Vampire style. I wouldn't care. I hope I'd have the emotion switch like in The Vampire Diaries. That would defo be turned off! Only I matter. I would not care about others and ruin them before they ruin me.
  I'm crazy. I know this. I'm fucked up. I'm ruined. I see no way out of thise way my mind thinks and is. I don't care no more. I have accepted I have to leave because I really have noreason to stay. And I tried to have one but everything fails when I try. So why bother keep trying? No. I won't bother. I cba. I can't be fucked. I am done. I just wish I wasn't scared to die. But just one more thing to go wrong and I am gone. Something major.
  I'm just fed up. I wake, I eat, I watch stuff, I nap, I watch more, I sleep, repeating this till the weekend... and then it's the same but it is also when I work. My only social life. I enjoy work. I get out then. But it's just a shame it's when Wigan. The place needs to be nuked. It breeds absolute cunts! I am kind of trying to get out more... but I'm forever pied off, ignored on the day so can'r go... or it's my fault, because my illnesses are totally West and I'm too tired to bother moving.
  My illnesses suck. I just want to be normal! Normal mind, normal body... blah. I wish I was. I mean what would it like to want to live and actually enjoy your life? Or maybe not be tired and sore forever? I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know. I won't know any of it.
  I've become so fucked up because people tend to fuck me over... it all counts you know? What you bellends have done to hurt me, every single moment, wrong doing towards me... it all counts towards these dark thoughts. This unhappiness. And fuck me I've been through so much. There are some things I really want to vent about... but I can't tell anyone that shit. I defo can't blog. I've blogged alot of my shit. But not everything. Not the more damaging ones. Life is unfair you know. It's really unfair.
  People tell me to stop thinking this way but I can't help it... I can't. I have nothing. I have noone. And I haven't ever. I realise that now. I never truly had anyone who gave a shit about me. I've become to realise it. They left. They never stuck around. They forgot about me. Nobody cares about me. So why would you care when I'm dead? They wouldn't. Such a bunch of liars. Such a bunch of cunts.  So many of you have made me feel this way. So empty. So lost. So headfucked. No point in life.
  Know what annoys me though? When these people who fucked me over try to come back in my life. Try and want me again. Like why would I fall for those lies again? Like. I'm not stupid. I aint. Not anymore. I won't let anyone hurt me again. Noone can hurt me but me. Because I've been hurt so much, by so many, they made me feel dead insude. I don't live. I can' live. I won't live. No point to anything anymore. I cry all the time. Every day. Unless I'm numb. I wish I could be numb forever. That will be nice. That would help me.
  I want to hurt everyone one of you who have hurt me. You really fucking deserve it. you're all happy little cunts while I cry daily and just lay here and want to die. My depression is real. And I've had it so long. Just like me CFS really... it hurts me to see those who shouldn't be happy, happy.
  I want my happiness. I wish. I dream. It will never happen. Just like the fact I will never get with someone again. I will never be someones other half. I will never have anything. I will never have anyone. And it's just another shit thing in life that brings on the dark thoughts, the emptiness and hurting of my heart.

  Does anyone even read my posts? Do you ever feel sad because of me? Do you read every word? Try and understand this complicated mind? I would love to know you know if people actually read and rate to anything...

  I just want it all to go away. The pain. The tiredness. The headfuckiness. The dark thoughts. The empty and lost feelings. I want a reason to live. I want somebody to make me want to live again. I want it all to go. And I only see one way out.

Monday, 10 April 2017

A little bit positive

Okay.
  Since my blog probably depresses a lot of people, I thought I would do an ish positive post. As positive as can be for someone who's constantly hurthing and crying. This one will probably not be soooo long as my usual because of the nature of the post for once.
  Okay, well. Basically what have I got to be positive about? The big one is my cats. I currently have six, they're my babies, I could never see myself with kids, never broody, never want them... but cats, wow they're so adorable. I wish they never died though. I miss my Tigger, Patch and Bill. And Felix but I never bonded with him tbh. Cats are adorable. They remind me of me, sleep, eat, repeat... just like me! Except they have better sex lives than me, I don't have a sex life! Seeing nobody, so yep no sex for this one! Haha!
  Another thing? Money in a way. I no longer have to stress about that £60/70 a week from working weekends, since most of the money goes right away, mum, cats, food... etc. But with my clips selling and the Financial Domination stuff? Not so bad, no longer need to worry so much, thank fuck. I mean people always ask me, will I stop? Am i not ashamed? No and no. Not yet anyway. I enjoy not struggling with money, and I enjoy doing what I do. Taking money of guys and then just selling some clips couple of mintues long. The only bad thing, clips sales sometimes go right down, that sucks, buy my clips! Ha. And the Findom stuff? There are not enought actual people who actual pay anymore. Too many fools trying to start it because It's talked about alot, and they never even last long! Ha.
  I don't know. There isn't much else. My friends don't bother unless it suits them, or I pay, I also have to pester everyone of them to get a reply. Guys? Again. Lost cause there. Guys play games. I gave up with you cunts, burn ha. Family? Hm...
  I guess I have my mum and sisters, that's about it for who cares. Well even if they do. Part of me doesn't care. Blah. Okay. Sorry. Positive.

  I'm trying. I want to be okay. I want to be okay. I do, but I try and fail, I need saving, but friends don't wanna know me and guys play games...

  See you soon.

Sunday, 9 April 2017

Reasons Why.

  Okay, so recently there is a series on Netflix that is constantly talked about and stuff, 13 reasons why. About a girl who ended it but then sends these tapes telling why. Now I haven't fully watched the series, and I am enjoying it, but it seriously over-rated by people. It's quite confusing, but clearly that's what they wanted since the main guy in it is also a little confused to what is going on.
  But, right, if you read my blog you'll know I'm also in a bad place and it's making me think too. And I already started it. Telling people why. There are a lot of people who have contributed to me being in such a bad spot.
  I sent letters. Not tapes. I started with two of the main ones, I am insure if I got the correct addresses, I had to figure it out, but I was close. And I do hope these letters get to these two people. They deserve to know how much they hurt me, how much they actually fucked me up. They may not get them, or if they do, I dunno will they read them? I think not. Or maybe bits... I wish they get them. And I wish they read them, I really do. I want them to know how they fucked me up. How imm not over it. How I could never be over it with my mind. Fucked up. I am.
  And as you've seen, I am pretty fucked up.

  Happiness what is that? These people who ahve wronged me they are so fucking happy. And not one of them deserves it. It seems that it's only me who tries, and then fails.
  My illness (CFS/ME) is slowly getting worse, I know this, I'm feeling it. It's like, what the hell, seriously. Why me?! I don't know. I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to type. It's Sunday. My 'bad day' as I call it. Emotionally and physically drained from work, since it's the only time I get out, the only time I push myself, even though it kills me. I enjoy my job, surprisingly, I love bar work, but I just hate my illness, I'm good where I am- I get to sit when it isn't busy, but if it was anywhere else I worked, I'd probably be without a job right now, unable to work anymore. So i'm thankful I get to sit when I'm free too. And that's good, because like I said I only end up going out for work. Another shitty thing, I feel so fat, so ugly. I can't work out much. And haven't been able to work out much for around a month now, just doing a work out when I can... the pain though, the pain is too much lately. It's so painful living. It's painful. Painful and tiring. And just another reason.
  I'm drained from being ill all the time, it isn't a fun game, my life is a lot shitty. Alot.

  I have friends. Sort of. Just to make that clear. But to me I don't think they care, not really. If and when I do leave, they wouldn't be upset. They'll fake it for a couple weeks, along with those bullies and online abusers and keyboard warriors. And you're reading these words now, they never cared. Never will. Useless fucks. There are a few 'friends' who also only 'bother' when I pay...
  I don't know anymore. I don't know. Maybe someone cares, but they don't make me feel like they do, so yeah excuse my feelings of you don't care... If all I feel is that you don't care..! Blah, okay.

  The loneliness feeling is still there. Being alone is no fun. I get lost in my fantasy world, books, tv, films, then cry at their happy endings, because well, I wish I was in that fantasy world and I wish that was my happy ending. There should be a book that shouldn't have a happy ending, that someone does not get love, and it all collapse. Maybe I should write that book before I leave. I have to write my other book first too. I will get them both done before I leave. I just need to find the motivation. Find the way to get rid of writers block. Hopefully I can do this.
  I wish my life was simple. I wish my fucking mind was simple. I wish I was okay. I wish I could have my happy ending. I wish I could be happy. I wish it was possible for me to have someone, and not be single for life. I wish people were not such cunts and gave a shit. I wish people would listen to me, offer help, get me out my mind, get me out my house.

  Cats. Money. The only things I get. (So long as my clips sell, and the findom stuff is going well). The only things to make me happy. A little. I'm thankful for them, I'm thankful that I aint actually homeless. (Yes, I'm being a tiny bit positive to those who try and tell me to be, even though that is such useless advice for someone like me, I'm broken, I'm fucked up.).

 Okay, so I'm about to leave you now. If you're actually reading. If you actually have read the post... I'm about to watch a film called 'Carrie Pilby'. The trailer reminded me of me. Never goes out, reads a lot, mentally fucked up, lets see how her happy ending comes. (I mean it'll more than likely be a happy ending). I will also be reading my book too, a romance, again probably with that lovely happy ending.
  So. Goodnight & Goodbye. From just a lonely, fucked up, broken blogger.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Accepting...

  Know what annoys me? When people say I will find someone, that I will be happy... just stop yourself. Right now, you reading this want to reassure me? Then stop.. stop right now. Because I know. I know it will never happen. I have accepted it, can you lot accept it too? I don't get my hopes up anymore, I expect to be hurt. Maybe I push them away too, but the gladly walk away...
  You think the one exists? It doesn't. Plenty people leave the world on their own, and I will be one of them, especially when I don't expect to be here too long. I am done with life. I am legit just binding my time, or however the fuck you say it... blah. Life. It's annoying. It sucks. It's hard!
  I am so lonely and alone. I say it all the time, but I really am. I thoight I had friends. But tbh they only bother when it benefits them, or if I pay for whatever... what kind of 'friend(s)' act like that? Fake ones. But oh well. I guess it's good if I get out once every full moon... even if i have to fucking pay.
  I wish I was able to have happiness, to find someone again, but let's be serious. That isn't gonna happen. I'm seeing everyone around me happy, in relationships, and 90% really don't deserve it. Why are they happy? Why the fuck are they happy? They shouldn't have it. They shouldn't. I really fucking hope their worlds collapse and they lose everything and everyone. I'm the one who should be happy. Not them. Seriously. Unfair life. Why don't I just slit my throat right now? Tbh it'll happen soon enough. I'm saying strongish for now, but something will push me over that edge. I don't know when. But it will happen. I can't dealt with this anymore. My head is fucked! I can't be here.

  My posts. I don't know who reads them. If they do. I'm just typing what's on my mind, trying to understand my mind, but it doesn't wanna happen. You know what i do the most in my life? Cry, I cry so much. I'm hurting. I hurt. Life isn't fair. I won't be with anyone again. I won't be happy. I have accepted this, sort of.
  Just my mind wishes life was better, but it just won't be.

  Everyone is happy. Both my exes got with someone else. They hate me. Probably wish I was dead. Past mistakes probably wish that too, in fact so many wish it let's be serious. Well. I have nothing to live for guys...

  The end is near. I don't want to live. Just biding my time. I'm scared of death. That is the only thing keeping me here. But that won't be strong enough for me. I will get pushed too far. And I will be gone. And I really can't wait. Life is hard. Death is easy. The only time I am remotely ish happy is when I am asleep... but then again, I am getting more and more nightmares.
  I wish I wasn't scared to die. Not when I wish it.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

I hate people.

  I hate people just as much as I hate life, if not more. They're horrible. The lot of them. Every single person who has come into my life or comes into my life fucks me over one way or another and it isn't fair.
  It's like seriously. No matter how hard I fucking try things fuck up for me and I don't know why. Why me? Why am I the one who always gets fucked around? Why is it me Who always gets ignored? Why always me who ends up with shit people who don't give a fuck if I'm alove or dead.
  I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. And crying to myself every day and every fucking night. I want to live. But I feel that is impossible for me, because no matter how hard I try, something happens and I lose it agin, I lose myself, and then the tears come. Floods. I'm just so done.
  People who take the time to read my blog and posts, i do apologise, but I am in such a dark dark place, and when I get close to coming out of it... I just crash back into it. My head's fucked. My heart's fucked. I'm just a fucked up person. It isn't a nice feeling.
  My head is very complicated, honestly! It's like I have friends, I guess, but they only reply when it suits them, or if I pay for them, and that gets annoying as I can't forever pay. Especailly with me not working and the Findom stuff and clips selling not going as good lately... it's just a fuckig ballache.
  There must be something realy fucking wrong with me... no guy wants to be with me, first thing I get when I talk to some fucker? 'Oh i don't want a relationship' but they are only saying that, because, well, they do. They just don't want one with me. Another unfair thing life chucks at me... confurming that I am single for life. Not like I'm too fussed. I don't want a relationship anymore now, guys are cunts when it comes to me, they all cheat, play games, and I'm just tired and done with it. I deserve so much more, but I won't get so much more. I just get nothing. And it hurts. I hurt. Iwish I was allowed something. I wish I could be happy.
  I seriously would like answers to why I deserve such bullshit in my life, but I more than likely will never get that, because who the fuck would know? Noone would know.
  People tell me all the time to be positive... but I don't feel I have any reason to be. Sure I aint homeless but if I didn't give my mum money I would be. The only thing I can be thankful for are my fur babies. If they weren't here. I already would be gone. The love I have for my cats is huge, i don't love much else, nor will i ever. Just cats. And money comes second. Only things to make me remotely happy.
  Having real friends, having guys not to fuck me over... that would make me a little happier. But pepple don't wanna know me. They'll use me for my money, when they need someone, or when they're bored, or when they want someone to fuck, but that is where it ends. And it is tearing me apart.
  Today. I lost another friend. I helped him, but me? I don't deserve fuck all off him. And I guess he has viable reasons, but he is making a mistake. He did it last time, and it fucked up, and here I was waiting, I don't think I can do it this time... when it fucks over. I can't be here for you. If you read this, you'll know who you are, and just respect that. Don't come crawling back to me when it ends with her. When things fuck up. I can't be last choice for anyone anymore. I can't be a friend if you don't want me too be...
  Also had everyone back out of my birthday weekend, THIS weekend, after having a year to organise and save and prepare... just proving that noone wants to spend time with me, they don't want to be my friend. Literally having to beg people to fill in the spots. It's so tiring trying so hard and being so unwanted, even just as a friend...
  I want people to read this. And please reach out to me. If you're my thpe, and you're getting to see me. Don't use me to fuck and chuck and use, you're damaging me too... well unless I instagate it, I guess. But otherwise. Leave me alone. I can't hack the bullshit no more. I can't cry 24/7 anymore.
  Being so lonely and alone is killing me slowly. Honestly. I don't, I can't be here and be like this. I want a giant hug and be told I'm gonna be okay... but that is impossible when I have nobody...

  I wish that I didn't wish I was dead. But I do. And these thoughts aren't going. I don't think I'll stay for too much longer. I can't. Not anymore. My fight is nearing the end. I have tried. I'm still trying a little bit. But I feel my fight is close. And it won't be long.

  I wonder if anyone even reads my posts...

Sunday, 26 March 2017

Positive? What's that?

  I always get people telling me to 'be positive'. But I tried that way. And now I'm just a realist thinker. I know what to expect. It always happens. Even when I was positive about something in the past it always fucked over. Like I'd think hey, a guy is gonna be nice for once... just for them to be the exact same as everyone else. Or a friend.
  I dunno me but I just have no reason to live and in all honesty I am so close to that edge I think I won't last another year. This world... it's too cruel. It's too fucking shit. It's full of fuckers who aint got a clue how to be nice anywhere. I honestly think I'm in the wrong time. Well, apart from the whole tattoo thing, since I fucking love ink.
  The thing is I know most people don't understand depression, or infact CFS, they're silent illnesses. And they are fucking awful to deal with you know?!
  The CFS is a daily battle. I'm always tired, always in pain, which gets so fucking immense sometimes and nothing really helps, I wish they'd put more research into the illness, find something that would actually help, because well, I'm just fed up of this. But I will probably be long gone before they even think about helping with that illness. It isn't just tiredness and pain by the way, there is so much more to it. So do not be inconsiderate and tell me to do things I have tried already...
  Depression is another daily battle. Constantly fighting myself. Things won't get better, they won't. They will... oh wait I was wrong, I was right they won't get better... you get me? Hm. It isn't nice to be in this world, I don't have a clue how much longer I have here...
 
  I always get 'but your gorgeous how are you lonely and alone'', quite simple, I have nobody. That is a fact. Nobody gives a fuck. Not really. They pretend too but if I died honestly they would get the fuck over it. Honest. Promise. Blah!
  I just wish life was simple. People were nicer... but everyone wants that don't they? And if they don't? They're happy as fuck anyway haha. The only that makes me remotely happy is my cats and money. That's all. But the money shit can get stressful since I can't fucking work. And no I am not making exuses, do you think I like beinng at home? No, I fucking hate it. Sitting here thinking 'I should just take all my pils, get a knife, amything and go' 24/7. I have to think just how lonely and alone I am, how everyone fucking ignores me. And when i reach out for help they don't bother even more. It's fucking bullshit!
  I wish I was rich, my problems would be gone, I's get a house further away from everyone and buy and buy and be comfortable and have hundreds of cats, maybe even some penguins... but with my bad luck I will never be rich, especially with not being able to work you know?!
  It's a lonely life I lead. It's all i know.

  I'm also mentally fucked. You know. I always repeat myself, but I'm forever talking to myself. day in, day out, because I got no one else... I've always been mentally fucked I reckon. Started in year 7, the start of getting bullied, and being unpopular. Then the rejection from friends, family, males, over and over and over again. It sucks right?
  I got with that first guy at the age of 18, 5 years ago, and I'm still fucked up over him, I know I am. I ruined it with my second ex I know that. But I tried to be with people and give chances after and to like January this uear, I'd give chances, but I would just get fucked over more and more. I'm stronger though, I expect it now, I know the signs, I don't get attached, it hurts, sometimes more than others but I know it's right, I know I am not to be with anyone, and that is okay... honestly sometimes it's not. I feel empty.
  If I hadn't had my illness I would work all day, every day, because I could, because I like money, because it would distract me. But whoever is in charge of the cards dealt me the shit ones and I just have a shit life, which forever gets worse no matter how hard I have tried to change it and be happy... life fucks me over, burns the cards, then gives me a worse set than before...
  I bet you hate my posts if you read them. And I'm sorry for it but you know, my head is just fucked up and I don't have anywhere else to say this but my blog. I can't speak to anyone. And anyone new? I can't burden them, they will hate me. In fact most people hate me anyway when they don't know me!

  In a good world, I wouldn't have my illnesses, I'd be okay, I would have friends, family, a guy. No money problems. All the cats in the world. But that is hopeless wishing, sadly life isn't like TV shows, because if they were I'd be happy now, and 100% be a vampire, noone would fuck with me then! Though tbf when they fuck with me these days I will get one over on the guy,, I've turned into a cunt. Not totally happy with it , but most people don't deserve me being nice anymore. That fact is true!

I donmt believe anymore. I used to believe I would get my happy ending... now I know real life is shite, and I won't get anything I want, because I never fucking do. Like I said, I always get dealt the shit fucking cards.

  Okay, I think I will change it up for a second, I have my cats to be thankful for, they are legit the reason I have been fighting the most, but I am still so lonely, so alone, pretty soon I don't hink i can stay here for much longer anymore. But yeah. Cats. What else? Hm... I don't have as money problems because of what I do, but at the same time they are slowly going bad again. The Findom stuff isn't reliable. Not wnough actual non timewasters. And clips haven't been selling as good as they have been in the first few months. I'm just hoping both pick up, as I said money makes me happy, and tbh i would love to visit America before I leave life! But it's just a ballache, not enough money. Have to pay to live. Meaning money goes. Just like with everyone really. What else? One more thing, I guess my mum. Sometimes I just have the feeling that she don't care either, but I'm thankful not to be totally homeless. That's it that's good in my life.

  I would love the findom/clips sales increase, so if you're reading this and you're into that... make me happy pleas, give me things to wnjoy, look forward too, because I sure as hell am not getting it where I live!

  Which brings me to another thought... I really am in a place full of cunts and rats, and hope you horrible creatures read this post and actually think. I get bullied because I'm ish okay sometimes, I post what I want, I'm opinionated, and for what i do for money... not like a lot of people can talk around here, most are on benefits, I chose a different past, rather than taking from the little amount the government have. I thought for myself. And decided a better route. Until I do need to rely on the government for help, and that is when I will need disability... though I hope that doesn't come. I mean, thengovernment are kinda mean with stuff like that. ANd because my illness is silent it would be even  harder! Correct right?!
  But yeah, people who try bully, abuse etc in this area you need give yourself a shake. Focus on yourself not me. Simple fact of the day for you fuckers!
  Also in this area males really do tend to be the same, and yes I know I repeat myself, and yes I know I shouldn't tar with the same brush... but what you don't know is I do give chances, well did, I'm done now, guys can go fuck themselves up the arse and stay away from me. But yeah i gave chances, to all sorts of types, and all ended the same. Even the so called 'nerdy types' end up being evil cunts... silly things.
  And sexism! That annoys me such much! I show skin so I'm a slag, and sleep around... erm not a chance. I don't deserve anyone coz of me showing skin and the fact I'm opinionated, and because of what i do... but if I was male I'd get praised for it, like shit, how awful can you be?! I'm just a woman who had become to not give a fuck, no need try and abuse me over it... thank fuck it doesn't get to me. Not like it would have done when I was younger.
  My first ex may have broken me... but he also made me so much stronger. In ways.

  We defo are in a fucked up generation and world these days. Every body cheats, nobody is faithful, they all lie, no honesty. Kids having kids. Chicks not using proper protection overloading the population. Chicks babytrapping males making them crazy as us. A world full of hate, cunts, judgemental idiots, pests, nastiness... etc, etc... It just goes on.

  Going to leave this awfully dreadfully long ass post now. (Yes I agree I have a potty mouth haha). If you read my posts fully, great stuff. I'm glad you do. My mind may be troubled... but maybe you'd understand why a little bit you know?!
  Also, I believe that no one can handle a real woman who does not need to fully rely on a man, nor let him control her. I know I will never have a relationship, I'm to fucked up, but company and chats would defo not go amiss till I leave the world. But everyone gets bored of me. Ignores me. And if you are one of those and you're reading this? Stop... you're doing more damage. You could be the reason I get pushed over the edge...

Goodbye. Till the next time.